The Title of This Entry Could Be Any Pam Tillis Greatest Hit: “Shake the Sugar Tree,” “Let That Pony Run,” or, Perhaps, “Queen of Denial”

In this New Year, like many others, I have made a long mental list of the big R-words. That’s right, Regrets...from ’08 and beyond. Like most people, I haven’t eaten right or exercised enough, haven’t saved as much money as I could have, haven’t found enough time to be still, haven’t found satisfaction in my career, haven’t nixed my negativity, haven’t generally lived up to my true potential (boy, that’s harsh). But after a week of wallowing in these failures and mulling over the reasons for them in my head, I’ve finally settled on my official New Year’s resolution: I am going to grant myself a pardon, let myself off the hook...sort of.

My mistake every year is to hold onto all of my inadequacies, maybe in order to teach myself a tough lesson, and attempt in vain to trudge on while still securely harnessed to them. I get a good running start, hit a steady stride in the free space between last year and the next. Then somewhere around March, ok, maybe February, I run out of slack and the straps I’m connected to yank me backwards, nearly back to where I began, like that bouncy bungee cord thing you can do at the fair. I wind up on my back, sore, hungry, and exhausted.

This year, I’m letting go of the elastic band, and making sure it lets go of me (I’m still going to the fair, though...LOVE the hypnotist..but that’s off topic a little). I am going to see what it feels like to walk about unbridled, with my shoulders high. For now, I will focus on making one good decision per day. To eat a carrot instead of a cake (hmmm...does carrot cake count?). To put that cool new gadget on my ’09 Christmas list, rather than on my ’09 credit card bill. To climb a rock rather than play Rock Band. You get the picture. I’m also going to make a list of my joys and seek them out. More photography and classic and documentary films. I’m also going to re-read my Orals materials, so I don’t lose that great wealth of knowledge! I am leaving the past in the past; today is a new day. Guilt, Regret, Anxiety, Despair--so long, old friends.